


honeycrisp

by windsilk



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drapple, Gen, Humor, the dude really loves apples what can I say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 20:04:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16960629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windsilk/pseuds/windsilk
Summary: Draco has a list of sweet things and tart things. Drama ensues.





	honeycrisp

pansy was giving him that look, again. the one which said anything from “my mother has asked yet another eighty year old rich pureblood to marry me” to “the oil in this caprese salad is rancid.”

blaise nudged him with an elbow. “please go fix whatever is happening to pansy.” 

draco continued to alternately doodle on his arithmancy homework and examine the woodwork on the edge of the table in the common room. 

blaise nudged him again, harder this time. “ _dude_. did you not hear me?” 

“correct you are. I am, in fact. recently deaf.”

blaise scoffed. “shut up and fix it. she looks like she’s going to set you and elizabeth burke’s portrait on fire.” 

draco rolled his eyes. “oh, no. whatever will I do without that ancient bint hitting on me.” 

“ _fix it_.” 

with a long-suffering sigh, he heaved himself up and crossed the room to where pansy was sitting on the window seat. a school of fish swam behind her head. he shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “all right, you have my attention. what is it? who’s pissed in your tea?” 

“I found something in your room and I’m just…” her eyes welled up with tears, much to his horror. “how am I supposed to tell her? astoria has put so much faith in you, and then you turn around and pull this shit?” 

“pardon?” his head swirled with theories–was it the autographed nude portrait of celestina warbeck? was it the quiet selection of muggle literature? 

her sneer was stronger than usual, fueled by frustration and–if draco’s nose wasn’t lying to him– a touch of alcohol. “your sweet to tart chart. it’s unfinished, but I know a rank of girls when I see one.  _red delicious? pink lady?_ those can only be names for pussy.” 

draco balked, slowly turning pink. “pansy, that’s not–” 

“I don’t even know who you stuck your dick into that earned the name granny smith–” at this point, she was yelling, and more and more heads were turning to soak in the drama. giggles were beginning to echo in the cavernous room. 

his neck was red hot. “pansy, let me explain–”

“and  _ambrosia? fuji?_ did you fuck cho chang?” 

“cho’s not japanese, actually–” he wheedled. 

she stood up suddenly, needling at his chest with an angry finger. “I  _told_  her, I said you were a good guy with good heart. and all along I’ve been  _lying_. draco, I am many things–a vindictive bitch, a gossip–but I am not dishonest. you made me a liar.” 

“they’re apples, pans.” 

“what?” 

he wrung his hands together. in the background, blaise was shaking with laughter. “I just really like apples.”

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by my favorite grocery store's excellent apple selection  
> https://www.heb.com/static-page/apple-varieties


End file.
